But I bought it anyway. I keep it on my desk at work, which provides some amusement to colleagues, some of whom persist in the outrageous claims that I bear some resemblance to this Simon Cowell person. Naturally, I strenuously deny these allegations.
The model, which looks nothing like me is quite amusing, really. Its disproportionately large head wobbles, and when you press the button and it says:
That was pathetic
Words can’t express how dull you are
You are the most boring person I have ever met
Or words to that effect, anyway. Quite useful when certain people approach my desk
 Or is that dramatically?
 And I deny that I do that a lot