It always used to be said that Government offices were best with too much red tape. But all that’s changed! Now there’s an infestation ofblack tape at government offices in the North East. It seems that the government is paying a company called Unipart, who I thought used to do spare parts for cars, but are apparently spare parts themselves, or “consultants” as they prefer to be called, to review people’s desks.
Now there are quite sensible (mostly) regulations governing computer screens and general ergonomics. Is your chair adjustable, is your screen free from glare, and so on. However, the
spare parts consultants have gone a wee bit further. They have marked people’s desks with black tape, showing exactly where the keyboard, mouse, telephone, stapler, pens and indeed anything else should go.
This is apparently part of the “Lean programme”, intended to keep workplaces tidy and staff thoroughly demoralised and dehumanised. Well, they only admit to the tidy bit, but I’m sure that’s the intention…
It is alleged that in a Scottish office, a member of staff was asked
Is that banana on your desk active or inactive?
Which is apparently
spare part consultant language for “are you going to eat that?”
You could make it up, but people would say you were being silly.
 In the words of Dogbert: I like to con people, and I like to insult people. Put them together and…