Robin Hood – Too Hot to Handle

Yes, more nonsense this week. The country is suffering a severe heatwave and it’s all a bit too dry. People are suffering, and there’s sure to be trouble.

Isabella, who seems to be playing some twisted game of her own, is getting flirty with Prince John. Guy’s grumpy because he’s still not Sheriff. John reassures him:

You’re as good as Sheriff already. The only thing you don’t have is the title. And the power. And the castle.

John is still a bit insecure, and wants to make the people love him, so comes up with a Cunning Plan. He’ll provide the peasants with water, and then they’ll be grateful and will love him! While he’s talking to Guy, Isabella has popped out and bumped into Robin. John sees them together and comes up with another Cunning Plan. He takes Isabella to the castle for a guided tour of the dungeons. Lovely… Down in the dungeons, he tells her his plan – there’s a spring flowing through a chamber under the castle which feeds all the wells for miles around. He gets his men to blcok the spring, which will lead to all the wells drying up, and leaving him as the only source of water. John then goes to see Guy and tells him what he’s seen and done, and gives Guy a job: follow Isabella, and if she does tip off Robin, as expected, Guy is to kill them both.

The gang decided to borrow a water barrel from John, which involves some silliness with the guards, one of whom suggests that Allan should

Naff off

which has to be the Best Anachronism Yet, given that the expression was invented for the 70s Ronnie Barker sitcom Porridge as a general-purpose mock swear word to replace more realistic (and less broadcastable) ones. Wonderful. [1]

Anyway, Isabella arranges to meet Robin and tells him about John’s Cunning Plan. Guy follows them on their way to the castle and manages to sneak up behind them and shackle them together. Robin’s a bit annoyed by this, and thinks Isabella has set him up. She’s quite insistent that she did no such thing, and helps Robin overpower Guy, who they leave tied to a tree[2].

John’s plan to make people love him goes a bit wrong when he finds the people of Locksley[3] already have one of his water barrels. He gets a bit upset and goes off in a huff after having his men empty the water out, together with the villager he had placed in it, head downwards….

While Tuck leads the rest of the gang and some dehydrated villagers to Trent, where it’s rumoured that there is still water. Kate manages to get captured along the way[4] and is taken to meet John.

Robin and Isabella get into the secret underground entrance to the castle, but before they can do much, Guy’s guards block them in, and Guy orders the valve to be opened. The chamber will flood and Robin and Isabella will drown. Naturally, Guy follows the traditional Bond Villain rules and leaves them to their fate after proclaiming

The legend dies here

John gets a bit menacing with Kate before having her put in the dungeon. Guy joins John at dinner and tells him that he has killed Robin and Isabella. John is quite happy about this and annunces that Robin Hood has been executed, and formally appoints Guy as the new Sheriff of Nottingham[5].

Down in the depths, the water’s rising and it looks bad for Robin, but in the usual way he makes a rope from Isabella’s dress, fires an arrow through a ring in the grating at the top of the chamber and they get out into the main part of the dungeon. Isabella wants Robin to take her away from all this and settle down and have kids. He, reluctantly, refuses – whether he likes it or not, he is Robin Hood, and has to keep fighting. It’s more or less at this point that John brings Guy down to say hello to Kate. John’s a little upset when he sees that Guy’s claims about the deaths of Robin and Isabella were slightly optimistic and tells Guy that he’s fired. Guy gets even more upset and pulls his sword. Isabella also seems to be upset and decides that she doesn’t like Robin after all. And so Guy fights John, Isabella fights Robin, they change partners, Kate manages to get out of her cell and joins in, which results in John and Isabella falling into the water-filled chamber.

Tuck and the gang reach the river, which appears to be a very small ditch. A very small dry ditch.

But just in time, Robin opens the gates, and water flows, reaching Tuck in a matter of seconds, and saving the people from dying of thirst.

Presumably Isabella and John were washed out in the stream and will be back.

It’s quite impressive how the creators are managing to make each episode sillier than the last. Quite ridiculous, but a lot of fun.

[1] And if there’s anyone still taking this show seriously, surely that should be enough to convince you that this is really a comedy?
[2] Which never works when people tie Robin up. You’d think he’d know…
[3] Are there any other villages in the area?
[4] If she’s not getting stabbed, she’s getting captured. What is her problem?
[5] Which won’t please you-know-who when he gets back…